Friday, November 22, 2013

We've got a lot, don't ever forget that.

Have people been spamming your Facebook all month with different things they are thankful for every day? It has actually confirmed my decision to never (try) to participate in an Instagram photo challenge where you have to post something different every day. It's annoying. So I've piled all of this into one sappy post today, because I'm not cold hearted and there's a lot I'm happy to be alive for.

First, I'd like to start with my family. I've been one hell of a daughter over the past 23 years, and my parents have always stood by me and supported me. They may have pushed me to get jobs that I don't like and always end up quitting, but they have always wanted me to just be happy with what I'm doing. My mom drove me to thrift stores when I was thirteen and wore all black and sported liberty spikes. Props if you even know what those are! She must have been mortified, but it didn't show. I've always felt totally comfortable just being whoever I felt like being, and I'm so damn thankful for that.

I can't put into words how much my husband means to me. He's seen me at my rock bottom, and tried everything he could to bring me back up, even when I cried over other boyfriends and couldn't see that he loved me. Sometimes you forget to always be there for someone when that person is always there. Marriage is a constant work in progress. It storms but the calm afterward is when you really learn about each other and what it means to commit to "for better or worse".

I'm thankful that I'm able to grow this baby like I am. I've never been the maternal or nurturing type, and I sure as hell feel uncomfortable around kids still. A couple of weeks ago, my sister looked at me and said, "Don't worry. It's always different with your own." I will never forget that, because it is. I already feel it. When I'm falling asleep at night, I look forward to the crazy awesome years to come. I'm not scared about the kind of parents we will be or if our kid will misbehave or make mistakes like we both did. I just hope they grow to realize how beautiful life can be if you just keep going.

I don't regret anything I've done in my life. I've spent many nights insanely depressed and unsure of myself and if this world is even worth living in. I've done bad things like cheat and steal and get too close to certain drugs. I spent too many years battling with my image of myself. But I've learned from these things, and I've spent so much time through all of it just getting closer to myself. I know exactly who I am, down to the core. I'm not scared of life anymore. I'm more ambitious and excited than I've ever been.

Life is a crazy, beautiful thing and I'm thankful that I'm still here today to realize that.

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